So. I wrote for a while, then gave in to some really crippling depression and didn't for most of 2007, then I didn't in 2008 because I hadn't for most of 2007. But recently EE, a "new" grad student in my group (she's been here since August), wanted to know if I had a blog and I realized maybe I should revive this.
I'm still at SRU, plugging away in what is kind of my third year but also kind of my second still. My status for that first spring semester in which I was writing was kind of nebulous, and the above-mentioned crippling depression ensured that I didn't get much done. Working under Dr. TX really didn't help.
Ah, yes, Dr. TX. There are things that need to be said about him, things I shared with a small inner circle but wish I had done here. I might at some point. But today what I want to talk about is space. Lab space, office space, etc. This is mostly inspired by the fact that recently the people in charge of allocating lab space to faculty came around to make sure our group is optimally using our space and it shouldn't be reassigned to some other, more deserving professor. This happened at CIT too, and we had to seriously fight to keep half of one of our labs. I think we're fine here at SRU--bigger group with need for more space anyway.
Anyway, there are twelve hoods in our lab, two post-docs, eight grad students, and one undergrad in our lab (not counting the folks who just graduated, neither of whom is using a hood right now). Sounds like it'd be easy to distribute things, even when you take into account that two of the hoods are in use for specific shared items and can't really be used by individuals.
Here's how it actually pans out: The two post-docs share a hood with a huge amount of space around it. The undergrad has his own hood with plenty of extra storage space. One of the grad students has taken over two hoods and basically one entire lab of extra storage space. And EE and I are sharing a hood. In fact, it's the only hood with absolutely zero extra storage space and the smallest shelves. What fun!
EE chose to work in my part of the lab with less storage space because, as she tells me, a helpful little bird let her know that she would be expected to be there all day, every day, all the time if she got a huge amount of storage space, kind of to justify the space she got. I offered to share with her because I like her, and because my research at the time didn't really require much space anyway. But things are getting a little cramped as both of us ramp up our lab activities to things that take up more space. I've been plotting, recently, to take over part of the lab space of the guy who has two hoods (one hood and one large storage area) when he graduates this summer.
EE told me the advice she got about expectations to be there. I don't work the same hours a lot of people do, and worry about resentment. Then again, none of the students with seniority over me will take that spot, so probably a new student would get it anyway (not that there's anything wrong with that, but it's a whole lot of space for a first-year who's probably more focused on coursework). So why not take it? It's kind of a delicate situation. We'll see how it plays out--I've got plenty of time to think about it.
Thursday, May 7, 2009
Friday, February 23, 2007
Mind and work realizations
I haven't posted in a while because I've been alternately busy and depressed.
I don't have much to be depressed about, of course--it's just February, and even though where I'm living now is warmer and sunnier than anywhere I've ever lived before, the shorts days are bumming me out. I get to sunset and I feel like the day's over (even though it's not) and I haven't done a single worthwhile thing (even though I have). I've done this enough times, and my fiance's seen me do this enough times (albeit from afar in previous years), that it's no longer a crisis. I treat it like I would treat any chronic illness. Flare-ups are dealt with as smoothly as possible, I try not to expect to be perfect in dealing with it (this one is the most challenging!), and I get back into the swing of things as quickly as I can, making certain to find ways to work around and through the down times instead of sitting around uselessly hoping to feel better or expecting things out of myself that I know I can't give.
Anyway, with THAT little explanation off my chest, I've got a couple of things to say about life at work lately.
First of all, I'm making some interesting progress, and I'm excited about what I'm doing. I do wish I had more lab space, and--more importantly--more supplies. The reaction vessels I use (also known as the places where I store my samples for several months to observe them) are on backorder and have been for nearly a month. Nobody at SRU has any. So, until I find a suitable substitute, there's not much I can do. We don't seem to stock anything else that would work, either.
Second, I had a hilarious moment this week. As background, Dr. GE has been out of town for a few weeks, so we haven't been having group meetings. He's due back sometime this week. So Dr. TX emailed me this message at 7 PM:
Tomorrow there will be an overview of your reactions at 3 PM. Be prepared. Is that okay?
We needed to meet to discuss what I'd do next, as Dr. TX wasn't around for our meeting earlier that day, but 3 PM the following day was generally group meeting time. I looked at the "be prepared" and remembered how, at the last group meeting I went to, the presenter had only been given one day's notice that he'd be presenting. I realized that he must mean that I'd be presenting my research so far to the group. I knew from previous conversations that group meeting presentations were to be as well-researched and professional as humanly possible, as preparation for general public presentations.
Ack! I emailed to ask for clarification and immediately set about making sure I understood every bit of the chemistry I was doing (I didn't, as Dr. TX has never given me more than a hand-waving explanation of what it is I'm supposedly doing, which is not quite enough as I'm doing exploratory synthesis work, but I figured out a plausible explanation and decided to ask about it the next day) and threw together a presentation on everything I've done so far. HG pampered me, making cookies and tea for me and giving me lots of hugs; though I didn't deserve it, it was nice, because I HATE doing things at the last minute, even when it's not my fault.
And then, finally, after three hours of work, I got an email from the postdoc clarifying that he only meant I was meeting with him to discuss future work. I can only assume he was using "be prepared" to mean "be there," since I left the day before when he was an hour and a half late.
I think there might have been a time when I would have been kind of annoyed about this, but as it is I think it's funny and good for me. I learned how to talk intelligently about my work earlier than I otherwise would have--I've been falling into labmonkey mode a little too easily since I'm being overseen so strictly by Dr. TX at the moment. And I figure if I'm not up for occasional high-caffeine-content nights with massive amounts of new knowledge consumed, I shouldn't be in grad school.
Thirdly, and lastly, I've finally had that "a-HA!" moment where I truly realized for myself, rather than just being told or just knowing intellectually, that being insanely deferential and self-effacing to everyone around me isn't the best career move. This was a work-related realization, but it did come on the heels of a related personal-life talk with HG in which he pointed out (kindly, and in a relevant context) that my idea of how I should treat him while he's working or busy more closely match the ideal behavior of a well-behaved child than that of an actual partner. I'm sure the two are related, but they did have to be separate thought processes, and I'm glad both happened.
Anyway, I'm going to poke my head into Dr. TX's office soon, because he's currently running 45 minutes late on when he said he'd come find me and talk to me today. Thank you all for reading and for your advice on the last few entries!
I don't have much to be depressed about, of course--it's just February, and even though where I'm living now is warmer and sunnier than anywhere I've ever lived before, the shorts days are bumming me out. I get to sunset and I feel like the day's over (even though it's not) and I haven't done a single worthwhile thing (even though I have). I've done this enough times, and my fiance's seen me do this enough times (albeit from afar in previous years), that it's no longer a crisis. I treat it like I would treat any chronic illness. Flare-ups are dealt with as smoothly as possible, I try not to expect to be perfect in dealing with it (this one is the most challenging!), and I get back into the swing of things as quickly as I can, making certain to find ways to work around and through the down times instead of sitting around uselessly hoping to feel better or expecting things out of myself that I know I can't give.
Anyway, with THAT little explanation off my chest, I've got a couple of things to say about life at work lately.
First of all, I'm making some interesting progress, and I'm excited about what I'm doing. I do wish I had more lab space, and--more importantly--more supplies. The reaction vessels I use (also known as the places where I store my samples for several months to observe them) are on backorder and have been for nearly a month. Nobody at SRU has any. So, until I find a suitable substitute, there's not much I can do. We don't seem to stock anything else that would work, either.
Second, I had a hilarious moment this week. As background, Dr. GE has been out of town for a few weeks, so we haven't been having group meetings. He's due back sometime this week. So Dr. TX emailed me this message at 7 PM:
Tomorrow there will be an overview of your reactions at 3 PM. Be prepared. Is that okay?
We needed to meet to discuss what I'd do next, as Dr. TX wasn't around for our meeting earlier that day, but 3 PM the following day was generally group meeting time. I looked at the "be prepared" and remembered how, at the last group meeting I went to, the presenter had only been given one day's notice that he'd be presenting. I realized that he must mean that I'd be presenting my research so far to the group. I knew from previous conversations that group meeting presentations were to be as well-researched and professional as humanly possible, as preparation for general public presentations.
Ack! I emailed to ask for clarification and immediately set about making sure I understood every bit of the chemistry I was doing (I didn't, as Dr. TX has never given me more than a hand-waving explanation of what it is I'm supposedly doing, which is not quite enough as I'm doing exploratory synthesis work, but I figured out a plausible explanation and decided to ask about it the next day) and threw together a presentation on everything I've done so far. HG pampered me, making cookies and tea for me and giving me lots of hugs; though I didn't deserve it, it was nice, because I HATE doing things at the last minute, even when it's not my fault.
And then, finally, after three hours of work, I got an email from the postdoc clarifying that he only meant I was meeting with him to discuss future work. I can only assume he was using "be prepared" to mean "be there," since I left the day before when he was an hour and a half late.
I think there might have been a time when I would have been kind of annoyed about this, but as it is I think it's funny and good for me. I learned how to talk intelligently about my work earlier than I otherwise would have--I've been falling into labmonkey mode a little too easily since I'm being overseen so strictly by Dr. TX at the moment. And I figure if I'm not up for occasional high-caffeine-content nights with massive amounts of new knowledge consumed, I shouldn't be in grad school.
Thirdly, and lastly, I've finally had that "a-HA!" moment where I truly realized for myself, rather than just being told or just knowing intellectually, that being insanely deferential and self-effacing to everyone around me isn't the best career move. This was a work-related realization, but it did come on the heels of a related personal-life talk with HG in which he pointed out (kindly, and in a relevant context) that my idea of how I should treat him while he's working or busy more closely match the ideal behavior of a well-behaved child than that of an actual partner. I'm sure the two are related, but they did have to be separate thought processes, and I'm glad both happened.
Anyway, I'm going to poke my head into Dr. TX's office soon, because he's currently running 45 minutes late on when he said he'd come find me and talk to me today. Thank you all for reading and for your advice on the last few entries!
Saturday, February 10, 2007
A very early career crisis
The last few weeks I feel like I've been exhausted non-stop. I think a lot of it is getting over a pair of illnesses that really wiped me out for most of January, as well as getting used to working a job that requires me to stand most of the day after a month or two of unemployment. I come home and I do my chore-like things and I read my bloggers and then... then I don't want to do anything else. I can't even imagine how I'll eventually build up the ability to do this with kids.
Anyway, I've been also quite emotionally down. I've been reading a lot of blogs of early-career female scientists with great fascination, seeing how they like their lives, or don't. I thought I was doing all right with all this new data; I thought through my career plan again and thought, okay, I can adjust to spending longer in a post-doc position I won't really necessarily enjoy than I expected, etc.
And then yesterday I kinda fell apart. I sobbed all over HG at the prospect of going 5-7 years between my one required teaching year next year (I'm on fellowship the rest of the time) and getting a teaching position after my postdoc(s). I wanted this degree so that I could teach. I like research, but doing only research I lose the spark eventually unless I'm also talking about chemistry--even if it's not about my research. When I'm teaching I remember what I love about my work and it really invigorates me.
As an undergrad I was a TA who convinced people to switch majors to chem or just put more effort into the course simply because, as they put it, they "like how much [I] love it." I get excited about chemistry. I'm passionate about teaching it both to the people who love it and to those who hate it, but will give it a shot when I'll help them along and am encouraging. (I couldn't actually pick which of those two I enjoy more. Both are good. Naturally those who refuse to put in effort are a downer, but very few are like that all the way through if there's someone consistently encouraging them, and those few, well, I don't take them personally. I've never been responsible for the content of a course, so maybe that will change. Maybe I won't like teaching as much then. But I do know that the idea of going that many years without teaching is terrifying to me.
HG suggests a few things, including:
-Trying, in the long run, to get tenure at a school where teaching is the focus, or at least where I could be rewarded for good teaching and not only for my research. (These places exist, right?)
-In the short term, trying to teach at the local CC.
-Teaching high school either long-term or short-term, where I can be near the front lines the battle to keep women from leaving (or, rather, not entering) the sciences.
Meanwhile I don't like the option of teaching high school, though I'd do it if I had to. This is going to come out badly, but--I want to show women who are interested in science a career they might be more likely to be interested in. It seems to me like more people go from "I want to teach high school" to "I want to teach high school science" than from "I want to be a scientist" to "I want to teach science to high schoolers." But that may just be my own prejudices--I have to admit that my own misgivings about going into such a criminally underpaid profession might not be present in some of the people I'd be reaching out to, and thus the "I want to be like my teacher!" instinct that gets a lot of people interested in a subject might actually turn out useful.
As for teaching at a CC here while enrolled in grad school... I'm not sure. I think I might get overcommitted very quickly. However, it does sound nicer than not teaching for what feels like a very very long time to a youngster like me. And on the bright side, if I find I really enjoy teaching at a CC, I suppose I could have a shot at just stopping my schooling after my MS, depending on what that market is like (I'm really not sure).
The long-term suggestion is, of course, my preference. It doesn't help me now, though!
Anyone have any advice? Am I doing the wrong thing--getting a PhD in chemistry--for what my passions are? I should stress that I really, really do enjoy my research. It's just not what I primarily want to do full-time in a career. I do believe that original research keeps teaching fresh, so I also wouldn't want to give it up entirely if I could help it, but I'd rather do all teaching than all research, if I had to choose. Thoughts?
Sigh. Maybe I need to quit reading so many blogs--sometimes it all just feels impossible, and I wonder why I'm even here.
Anyway, I've been also quite emotionally down. I've been reading a lot of blogs of early-career female scientists with great fascination, seeing how they like their lives, or don't. I thought I was doing all right with all this new data; I thought through my career plan again and thought, okay, I can adjust to spending longer in a post-doc position I won't really necessarily enjoy than I expected, etc.
And then yesterday I kinda fell apart. I sobbed all over HG at the prospect of going 5-7 years between my one required teaching year next year (I'm on fellowship the rest of the time) and getting a teaching position after my postdoc(s). I wanted this degree so that I could teach. I like research, but doing only research I lose the spark eventually unless I'm also talking about chemistry--even if it's not about my research. When I'm teaching I remember what I love about my work and it really invigorates me.
As an undergrad I was a TA who convinced people to switch majors to chem or just put more effort into the course simply because, as they put it, they "like how much [I] love it." I get excited about chemistry. I'm passionate about teaching it both to the people who love it and to those who hate it, but will give it a shot when I'll help them along and am encouraging. (I couldn't actually pick which of those two I enjoy more. Both are good. Naturally those who refuse to put in effort are a downer, but very few are like that all the way through if there's someone consistently encouraging them, and those few, well, I don't take them personally. I've never been responsible for the content of a course, so maybe that will change. Maybe I won't like teaching as much then. But I do know that the idea of going that many years without teaching is terrifying to me.
HG suggests a few things, including:
-Trying, in the long run, to get tenure at a school where teaching is the focus, or at least where I could be rewarded for good teaching and not only for my research. (These places exist, right?)
-In the short term, trying to teach at the local CC.
-Teaching high school either long-term or short-term, where I can be near the front lines the battle to keep women from leaving (or, rather, not entering) the sciences.
Meanwhile I don't like the option of teaching high school, though I'd do it if I had to. This is going to come out badly, but--I want to show women who are interested in science a career they might be more likely to be interested in. It seems to me like more people go from "I want to teach high school" to "I want to teach high school science" than from "I want to be a scientist" to "I want to teach science to high schoolers." But that may just be my own prejudices--I have to admit that my own misgivings about going into such a criminally underpaid profession might not be present in some of the people I'd be reaching out to, and thus the "I want to be like my teacher!" instinct that gets a lot of people interested in a subject might actually turn out useful.
As for teaching at a CC here while enrolled in grad school... I'm not sure. I think I might get overcommitted very quickly. However, it does sound nicer than not teaching for what feels like a very very long time to a youngster like me. And on the bright side, if I find I really enjoy teaching at a CC, I suppose I could have a shot at just stopping my schooling after my MS, depending on what that market is like (I'm really not sure).
The long-term suggestion is, of course, my preference. It doesn't help me now, though!
Anyone have any advice? Am I doing the wrong thing--getting a PhD in chemistry--for what my passions are? I should stress that I really, really do enjoy my research. It's just not what I primarily want to do full-time in a career. I do believe that original research keeps teaching fresh, so I also wouldn't want to give it up entirely if I could help it, but I'd rather do all teaching than all research, if I had to choose. Thoughts?
Sigh. Maybe I need to quit reading so many blogs--sometimes it all just feels impossible, and I wonder why I'm even here.
Thursday, February 1, 2007
Research is taking off
Without getting into too many details about what I do researchwise at SRU, to continue my anonymity--I do synthetic chemistry of one sort or another, and it's basically exploratory. The same was true of my undergraduate research at WLAC, actually, though my CIT research was very focused on a certain end goal. Sure, I have a general aim, or at least an ideal goal, but anything new and interesting I make is good news, and because I am not externally funded by an industry partner whose specific goals must be accomplished (unlike at CIT), I get to pursue whatever comes up, at least to some extent.
So anyway, yesterday while going through my samples I've made in the three weeks (okay, four, but I was out sick the second week) I've been at SRU I found that I'd made something that appears, from my first type of scan on it, to be new! I'm terrifically excited by this, as are Drs. TX and GE. It's interesting--in all my reactions so far, of which there are nearly 100, I've failed to make any known compounds, but I do appear to be able to make a family of new ones. The best I hoped for was occasionally making something known so that I could understand what factors influence the formation of these known compounds.
Speaking of having made almost 100 samples and filled up a third of my first lab notebook: it's weird how different this setup is from my undergrad research. There, I could make two samples at a time. Each took about a week from start to finish before analysis, with about ten hours per pair of actual time spent in lab over that time, plus an extra hour or two for analysis. This stuff? I can make four samples at a time, and from start to finish it's under two and a half hours for all four. Plus I don't have a lot of other obligations at the moment, which really helps. But the contrast is startling!
Anyway, I'm still celebrating making something new. This is what I really enjoy in chemistry, and it's wonderful to have a reminder of that. I've missed it since WLAC.
So anyway, yesterday while going through my samples I've made in the three weeks (okay, four, but I was out sick the second week) I've been at SRU I found that I'd made something that appears, from my first type of scan on it, to be new! I'm terrifically excited by this, as are Drs. TX and GE. It's interesting--in all my reactions so far, of which there are nearly 100, I've failed to make any known compounds, but I do appear to be able to make a family of new ones. The best I hoped for was occasionally making something known so that I could understand what factors influence the formation of these known compounds.
Speaking of having made almost 100 samples and filled up a third of my first lab notebook: it's weird how different this setup is from my undergrad research. There, I could make two samples at a time. Each took about a week from start to finish before analysis, with about ten hours per pair of actual time spent in lab over that time, plus an extra hour or two for analysis. This stuff? I can make four samples at a time, and from start to finish it's under two and a half hours for all four. Plus I don't have a lot of other obligations at the moment, which really helps. But the contrast is startling!
Anyway, I'm still celebrating making something new. This is what I really enjoy in chemistry, and it's wonderful to have a reminder of that. I've missed it since WLAC.
Saturday, January 27, 2007
Group solidarity, & cast of characters
Yesterday was my first group meeting with the new group at SRU. I feel a bit foolish, because I'd just assumed the postdoc (hereafter referred to as Dr. TX, or TX) would tell me when the group meetings were--but instead, on the third week, I was tooling around in lab after I thought everyone had gone to lunch when one of the grad students I'd met over the summer (nicknamed CO below) poked his head in and said, "Hey, you know there's group meeting in ten minutes? I didn't know if anyone had told you." Whoops! He then disappeared without telling me where this meeting was, but I managed to catch SY, another student in the group, who led me down to the conference room.
I was nervous at first--was I going to have to talk about what I was doing?--but when I got down there I found that generally the group meeting consists of one long presentation by a group member on a topic of mutual interest followed by various orders of business. This week it was on a topic I knew a bit about, and while Dr. GE (the professor I work for, or my advisor, I suppose) was displeased with the presentation itself, I could see what he actually did expect and think I will not be too terribly nervous when it is my turn.
The rest of the meeting was, first, Dr. GE reiterating from before winter break that everyone should learn how to do a certain somewhat rare technique that I in fact learned as an undergrad, and second, a discussion of how our lab space could be more efficient and useful. Dr. GE pointed out that when the group was moving into its current space, lots of people took shelving and the like from the lab space before they moved in--cannibalism is just the way of things around here. After a pause CO mentioned that he'd taken some shelves from a nearby lab during its recent turnover. "Good!" said Dr. GE; "That's what they did to us!" CO offered that there was a lab moving out of an adjacent building, and Dr. GE, while telling us "I didn't tell you this," encouraged us to go get some useful things for ourselves. CO did mention that there's a sign on the lab door threatening to prosecute anyone who takes anything from the lab, though, so I think we're going to get our shelving the old-fashioned way: from Home Depot.
We spent a while wandering around the lab finding ways to rearrange and coming up with new storage ideas. I seem to have already won a bit of a reputation as someone who is good at maximizing efficiency of space--which makes me happy! I do like rearranging things. I found good places for all the old journals, theses, and lab books to go while staying out of the filing cabinets in the offices and off the computer desks. Now I just hope we get our new shelving hardware! The company that made the shelves we use above the lab benches seems to have discontinued the brackets we need, which is not at all helpful. Also, Dr. GE seems really committed to updating everything, but I haven't been around long enough to know if it's all talk or what.
One of the big upsides of having gone to this meeting, now, is that I have learned a bit more about the make-up of the group. It's a friendly, comfortable group, a little over half female (did you even know that was POSSIBLE in physical science?), and full of first-years. Here is the cast (and no, these are not their first and last initials). I mention their countries of origin and language situations only to give a sense of the diversity going on here, and because language barriers were a huge part of what made CIT so isolating for me.
Dr. GE - The male professor in charge. Mildly irritable, but seems devoted to getting his students a great education, and comfortable and fairly informal except when formality has some kind of benefit. Not American, but speaks fluent English. His son, who is a friendly freshman maybe-chem-major at SRU, comes in to do some labwork sometimes.
Dr. TX - The male postdoc who gives me my marching orders at the moment. European; speaks okay English but doesn't often seem to understand what I am saying, especially if I catch him off-guard. Can be quite short with people and perhaps a bit socially awkward, but definitely knows what he's doing scientifically. Very "friendly" with the chemicals--doesn't use gloves, goggles, labcoat, or a hood.
TK - Works across the hall from me. Male, Asian. I know almost nothing about him; he has not yet spoken to me directly.
RM - Also works across the hall from me. Female, Asian, speaks very good English. She was the first person I met in lab, and has been in the group the longest. She's very friendly and sweet, and seems to always be working in lab.
SN - Works across the fall. American, female first-year with the same first name as me (it's a common name, but come on! With only one other student from an English-speaking country in the group, she has the same first name as me? She even uses the same nickname sometimes, though I go exclusively by the nickname and she by the full name most of the time). I first met her in my class I'm taking; she seems outgoing and fun.
CO - Male, European, works on my side of the hall but spends his time in a different office. From the same country as Dr. TX and KS (below). He's the safety coordinator and seems pretty nice, if a little harried sometimes. Speaks fluent English.
KS - Female, European first-year. I have not spoken to her at all, nor do I really know anything about her. She also works on my side of the hall but in the other office. She teaches during our group meeting, but apparently Dr. GE doesn't actually care about that?
AT - Male, European, wonderfully nice guy who explained the whole situation with Dr. TX to me. He sits next to me in my office. He doesn't seem terribly happy with his lot in life, but he's good to me. Speaks nearly-fluent English but (I just noticed today) does things like taking notes on English presentations in his native tongue.
AP - Female, Asian, first-year. Speaks fluent English, although weirdly I keep having trouble understanding names of chemicals when she says them--I suspect it's that she uses British pronunciations for them, and I'm not used to that. She's very nice to me, and was surprised that I didn't automatically know she's a first-year. She sits on my other side in the office.
SY - Female, Asian, first-year. Speaks fluent English and is shy, but kind. It took her a while to introduce herself to me, and when she did we both laughed at our own shyness. I like her a lot.
And, for good measure, someone who's not in the lab group at all...
HG - My wonderful fiance (we got engaged just about three weeks ago, now, and will be getting married in November). He's a humanities PhD student, so we have both big things in common and very big things not in common about our careers. I adore him, and he makes my outside-of-lab life wonderful. He was my first boyfriend about eight and a half years ago, and after seven years of mostly staying in touch and good friendship, we got back together last year. He's the reason I ended up at SRU, though it turns out to be a great career choice for me.
I think that's it for now, and I'm getting tired, anyway. More later; I have a few stories to tell.
I was nervous at first--was I going to have to talk about what I was doing?--but when I got down there I found that generally the group meeting consists of one long presentation by a group member on a topic of mutual interest followed by various orders of business. This week it was on a topic I knew a bit about, and while Dr. GE (the professor I work for, or my advisor, I suppose) was displeased with the presentation itself, I could see what he actually did expect and think I will not be too terribly nervous when it is my turn.
The rest of the meeting was, first, Dr. GE reiterating from before winter break that everyone should learn how to do a certain somewhat rare technique that I in fact learned as an undergrad, and second, a discussion of how our lab space could be more efficient and useful. Dr. GE pointed out that when the group was moving into its current space, lots of people took shelving and the like from the lab space before they moved in--cannibalism is just the way of things around here. After a pause CO mentioned that he'd taken some shelves from a nearby lab during its recent turnover. "Good!" said Dr. GE; "That's what they did to us!" CO offered that there was a lab moving out of an adjacent building, and Dr. GE, while telling us "I didn't tell you this," encouraged us to go get some useful things for ourselves. CO did mention that there's a sign on the lab door threatening to prosecute anyone who takes anything from the lab, though, so I think we're going to get our shelving the old-fashioned way: from Home Depot.
We spent a while wandering around the lab finding ways to rearrange and coming up with new storage ideas. I seem to have already won a bit of a reputation as someone who is good at maximizing efficiency of space--which makes me happy! I do like rearranging things. I found good places for all the old journals, theses, and lab books to go while staying out of the filing cabinets in the offices and off the computer desks. Now I just hope we get our new shelving hardware! The company that made the shelves we use above the lab benches seems to have discontinued the brackets we need, which is not at all helpful. Also, Dr. GE seems really committed to updating everything, but I haven't been around long enough to know if it's all talk or what.
One of the big upsides of having gone to this meeting, now, is that I have learned a bit more about the make-up of the group. It's a friendly, comfortable group, a little over half female (did you even know that was POSSIBLE in physical science?), and full of first-years. Here is the cast (and no, these are not their first and last initials). I mention their countries of origin and language situations only to give a sense of the diversity going on here, and because language barriers were a huge part of what made CIT so isolating for me.
Dr. GE - The male professor in charge. Mildly irritable, but seems devoted to getting his students a great education, and comfortable and fairly informal except when formality has some kind of benefit. Not American, but speaks fluent English. His son, who is a friendly freshman maybe-chem-major at SRU, comes in to do some labwork sometimes.
Dr. TX - The male postdoc who gives me my marching orders at the moment. European; speaks okay English but doesn't often seem to understand what I am saying, especially if I catch him off-guard. Can be quite short with people and perhaps a bit socially awkward, but definitely knows what he's doing scientifically. Very "friendly" with the chemicals--doesn't use gloves, goggles, labcoat, or a hood.
TK - Works across the hall from me. Male, Asian. I know almost nothing about him; he has not yet spoken to me directly.
RM - Also works across the hall from me. Female, Asian, speaks very good English. She was the first person I met in lab, and has been in the group the longest. She's very friendly and sweet, and seems to always be working in lab.
SN - Works across the fall. American, female first-year with the same first name as me (it's a common name, but come on! With only one other student from an English-speaking country in the group, she has the same first name as me? She even uses the same nickname sometimes, though I go exclusively by the nickname and she by the full name most of the time). I first met her in my class I'm taking; she seems outgoing and fun.
CO - Male, European, works on my side of the hall but spends his time in a different office. From the same country as Dr. TX and KS (below). He's the safety coordinator and seems pretty nice, if a little harried sometimes. Speaks fluent English.
KS - Female, European first-year. I have not spoken to her at all, nor do I really know anything about her. She also works on my side of the hall but in the other office. She teaches during our group meeting, but apparently Dr. GE doesn't actually care about that?
AT - Male, European, wonderfully nice guy who explained the whole situation with Dr. TX to me. He sits next to me in my office. He doesn't seem terribly happy with his lot in life, but he's good to me. Speaks nearly-fluent English but (I just noticed today) does things like taking notes on English presentations in his native tongue.
AP - Female, Asian, first-year. Speaks fluent English, although weirdly I keep having trouble understanding names of chemicals when she says them--I suspect it's that she uses British pronunciations for them, and I'm not used to that. She's very nice to me, and was surprised that I didn't automatically know she's a first-year. She sits on my other side in the office.
SY - Female, Asian, first-year. Speaks fluent English and is shy, but kind. It took her a while to introduce herself to me, and when she did we both laughed at our own shyness. I like her a lot.
And, for good measure, someone who's not in the lab group at all...
HG - My wonderful fiance (we got engaged just about three weeks ago, now, and will be getting married in November). He's a humanities PhD student, so we have both big things in common and very big things not in common about our careers. I adore him, and he makes my outside-of-lab life wonderful. He was my first boyfriend about eight and a half years ago, and after seven years of mostly staying in touch and good friendship, we got back together last year. He's the reason I ended up at SRU, though it turns out to be a great career choice for me.
I think that's it for now, and I'm getting tired, anyway. More later; I have a few stories to tell.
Monday, January 22, 2007
A brief opinion question
Would you rather work with a solvent that gives you headaches when you accidentally breathe it, or one that's a known carcinogen? Assume both evaporate quite quickly, but also that you have gloves, a hood, and a labcoat at your disposal.
That's my choice for the day!
That's my choice for the day!
Saturday, January 13, 2007
Lab politics, and the usefulness of informants
I started recently at a new lab at SRU, a lab I had visited multiple times in the past and found friendly and welcoming. I'm working under a postdoc who's new since the first time I visited the lab, and while he's quite busy--frankly perhaps too busy to really train me, but he's trying--he's been pretty patient with me, and I love the job.
I noticed that the first couple of times I came in to meet him and be introduced to the project, now that my addition to the group is certain, the people who'd been so friendly to me when I was a prospective student seemed to resent my presence, or at least to be very much less friendly than they were before. The first of these times, I figured it was because it was the last week of the semester and everyone was stressed; when I showed up for my first "real" day of work and everyone still acted that way, I figured it might be because my situation is special--a research position was created for me pretty much out of nowhere, and the professor in charge of the lab group warned me that his making this exception for me, instead of making me do the typical thing [at SRU, at least] where I would prove my usefulness to him while TAing and then get an RA, might be an unpopular move on his part.
So I figured there was some hostility about my position in the lab, and while I was sad I shook it off, even as my new officemates tried to talk the postdoc out of giving me the desk I'd been assigned because it was more convenient for them to keep their books there. I figured I'd just have to win them over.
But on my second day, my officemate--we don't share an office with the postdoc--came in and smiled brightly at me, as he had the first two times I'd visited the lab, and pulled me aside to apologize for his resistance in giving me a desk. I had noticed that after his initial reluctance, the next time I'd come in the day before he'd cleared out the space for me, so I smiled back and told him it wasn't a problem--I know how hard it is to lose space one's been using.
"But I just wanted to let you know," he said, "that it's not about you. [The postdoc] and I simply don't get along. He came into this lab recently and changed everything about how it ran, and it makes a lot of us resent him. I am not the only one who feels this way, so you might notice this. But I want you to know that you are quite welcome here."
On the one hand, it's too bad that I'm walking into this mess of a political situation in the lab; on the other, it's a relief to both know it exists and know it's not about me. I am incredibly grateful that someone took the time to tell me about this. I don't plan on taking sides or anything, but I am at least glad to know that there are sides to take, so I can consciously avoid them and play it safe. This comment also made me notice things like how, when the postdoc asks a lab member to do something for/with me, he or she will be reluctant to do it, but as soon as the postdoc leaves the room it's all smiles and willingness again. I may think it's sort of immature, but at least I know what's going on... and knowing is really more like 99% of the battle in this case.
Has anyone else experienced walking into a warzone like this? Did someone tell you what was going on, or did you just have to piece it together? Did you end up taking a side?
I noticed that the first couple of times I came in to meet him and be introduced to the project, now that my addition to the group is certain, the people who'd been so friendly to me when I was a prospective student seemed to resent my presence, or at least to be very much less friendly than they were before. The first of these times, I figured it was because it was the last week of the semester and everyone was stressed; when I showed up for my first "real" day of work and everyone still acted that way, I figured it might be because my situation is special--a research position was created for me pretty much out of nowhere, and the professor in charge of the lab group warned me that his making this exception for me, instead of making me do the typical thing [at SRU, at least] where I would prove my usefulness to him while TAing and then get an RA, might be an unpopular move on his part.
So I figured there was some hostility about my position in the lab, and while I was sad I shook it off, even as my new officemates tried to talk the postdoc out of giving me the desk I'd been assigned because it was more convenient for them to keep their books there. I figured I'd just have to win them over.
But on my second day, my officemate--we don't share an office with the postdoc--came in and smiled brightly at me, as he had the first two times I'd visited the lab, and pulled me aside to apologize for his resistance in giving me a desk. I had noticed that after his initial reluctance, the next time I'd come in the day before he'd cleared out the space for me, so I smiled back and told him it wasn't a problem--I know how hard it is to lose space one's been using.
"But I just wanted to let you know," he said, "that it's not about you. [The postdoc] and I simply don't get along. He came into this lab recently and changed everything about how it ran, and it makes a lot of us resent him. I am not the only one who feels this way, so you might notice this. But I want you to know that you are quite welcome here."
On the one hand, it's too bad that I'm walking into this mess of a political situation in the lab; on the other, it's a relief to both know it exists and know it's not about me. I am incredibly grateful that someone took the time to tell me about this. I don't plan on taking sides or anything, but I am at least glad to know that there are sides to take, so I can consciously avoid them and play it safe. This comment also made me notice things like how, when the postdoc asks a lab member to do something for/with me, he or she will be reluctant to do it, but as soon as the postdoc leaves the room it's all smiles and willingness again. I may think it's sort of immature, but at least I know what's going on... and knowing is really more like 99% of the battle in this case.
Has anyone else experienced walking into a warzone like this? Did someone tell you what was going on, or did you just have to piece it together? Did you end up taking a side?
Welcome!
Hello, everyone! I'm starting a new blog to celebrate my new graduate studies in chemistry. My name's Gen Chem, or Gen for short. Here's a little about me:
I received my BA in chemistry from WLAC (short for Western Liberal Arts College) after growing up in an east coast state. I started a graduate degree in another, related field at CIT (short for Corporate Institute of Technology) but did not finish it, and am now starting my PhD in chemistry at SRU (short for Southern Research University). I've started in a new laboratory this year and wanted to write about it a bit.
In any case, welcome, and I hope you enjoy something of what I've got to say!
I received my BA in chemistry from WLAC (short for Western Liberal Arts College) after growing up in an east coast state. I started a graduate degree in another, related field at CIT (short for Corporate Institute of Technology) but did not finish it, and am now starting my PhD in chemistry at SRU (short for Southern Research University). I've started in a new laboratory this year and wanted to write about it a bit.
In any case, welcome, and I hope you enjoy something of what I've got to say!
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